I would like to say a few words about weddings.
I've just been through one.
Not my own. My daughter's.
Someday in the far future I may be able to remember it
with tender indulgence, but not now.
I always used to think that marriage was a simple affair.
Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, get married.
They have babies, eventually the babies grow up,
meet other babies, they fall in love and get married,
so on and on and on.
Looked at that way, it's not only simple, it's downright monotonous.
But I was wrong. I figured without the wedding.
Now you fathers will understand. You have a little girl.
She looks up to you. You're her oracle. You're her hero.
And then the day comes when she gets her first permanent wave
and goes to her first real party,
and from that day on you're in a constant state of panic.
If the boys swarm around, you're in a panic
for fear she'll marry one of them.
If they don't swarm around, why,
of course you're in another kind of a panic,
and you wonder what's the matter with her.
So you don't worry about it.
You say to yourself, "I've got plenty of time to worry about that.
"I'll just put off thinking about it."
And then suddenly it is upon you.
It was just three months ago, exactly three months ago,
that the storm broke here.
It was an ordinary day, very much like any other day.
I had caught the commuters' train home, as usual.
It was late, as usual.
We own our own home in the suburbs, at least we almost own it.
Had it built when my law firm made me a full-fledged partner.
As usual it was Ellie who was the first to greet me.
She asked me what kind of a day I'd had,
and I asked her what kind of a day she'd had.
And our Delilah, she was always the same.
Another kitchen crisis, but that's routine.
- Oh, hi, Dad. - Hello, son.
May I have the keys to the car?
- Yeah. Be careful now. - Okay.
Good night.
STANLEY: As usual, Ben wanted the car.
Ben's a nice, steady boy in college, studying engineering.
Hi, Pop.
- How you doing? - Hi.
And Tommy. No worry about him, except to try to keep him fed.
It was "hi" and "goodbye" that night, but I'm used to that.
I was wondering if my daughter had deserted us too,
when I heard her voice.
Pops! Pops!
- Hi, Pops. - Kay was our only daughter.
I know a father's not supposed to have favorites,
but when it's Kay...
- Mmm, you smell good. - You like it?
- What's that? - An atomizer.
- Where'd you get it? A present? - Mmm-hmm.
- Who from? - Oh. Somebody.
What's happened to you? You look different.
- I do? - Yeah.
- You look all lit up inside. - (CHUCKLES)
You're not wearing your usual deadpan look,
that "how did I ever get into this family" look.
Oh, Pops.
I know. You've been taking those vitamins that Dr. Gray sent you.
That's right.
(EXHALES)
I guess I'll get me some of those vitamins.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
I'll get it, Delilah!
What's the matter with her? She seems kind of queer.
I don't know. Maybe she's in love.
- In love. Who would she be in love with? - I haven't the wildest idea.
You must have some idea or you wouldn't have mentioned it.
Well...
Buckley.
- Who? - Buckley.
- Buckley who? - You know that boy.
Buckley something-or-other. I don't know his last name.
Never heard of him.
Oh, of course you have. He's been here again and again.
- That doesn't mean anything. - All right, I'm wrong.
Sorry. Forgive me.
- Who was it, dear? - Buckley.
- He's coming for me in a few minutes. - I'll get your coffee.
- Where did the boys go? - Ben had some date,
and Tommy went for basketball practice.
Oh, Delilah, will you bring the coffee, please?
Yes, Miss Banks.
Wouldn't you think those boys would stay home once in a while?
Ben's not a boy, Pops. He's a man.
- He's old enough to have a family. - At 19?
Buckley says that's not too young for a man to marry.
I didn't marry your mother till I was 25.
Oh, I know, Pops, but that was millions of years ago.
Look at all the men in Ben's class at college.
Loads of them are married and have children.
GI's.
Buckley says everyone should marry young.
Did Buckley happen to mention who was going to finance these child marriages?
Oh, he says the family should support them.
He says it's really economy in the long run.
The men work better and the babies are healthier.
STANLEY: From the way she talked about this Buckley,
you'd think he was Moses and Einstein and Gallup all rolled into one.
I tried to remember which one he was.
There'd been so many boys who had beat a path to our door.
Which one of them was Buckley?
Was it the boy with the teeth?
Or the guy with the porcupine hair?
Or the English teacher, that poop-a-doop that Ellie liked?
I hoped he wasn't that muscle-bound ham with the shoulders.
And she'd never fall for that bebop hound.
It couldn't be that genius who said he'd fix my radio.
She couldn't do that to me.
Couldn't be the radical. He hadn't been on a picket line in years.
Surely my daughter wouldn't fall for any of them, or would she?
KAY: Since the country's in better shape...
STANLEY: She was still going on about him.
KAY: Buckley has it all figured out.
He says there isn't going to be any depression.
Oh, that reminds me. I won't be home for the weekend.
- Where are you going, dear? - I'm spending it with Buckley's family.
Uh, are you going to marry this character?
I guess so.
And just when are you planning on getting married?
Well, I really don't know yet, Mother.
It all depends on Buckley's plans.
Maybe months, maybe a few weeks, or maybe any time at all.
We can't tell yet.
But there's one thing, we won't be pinned down.
Buckley's very decided about that sort of thing.
He just won't be pinned down.
I hope that Buckley won't think I'm too nosy
if I ask a few simple questions.
Okay, Pops. I suppose we have to go through this.
- It seems to me... - Who is this Buckley anyway?
- Now listen, Pops... - And what's his last name?
- I hope it's better than his first one. - Now listen...
Where the devil does he come from,
and who does he think is going to support him?
If he thinks I am, he's got another thing coming.
- I don't give a hoot... - Stanley!
Stanley, you don't have to shout. Nobody's deaf.
It's mortifying, with... Right in there. Please.
The idea, acting like an outraged father.
Sorry. You broke it to me so casually, over the ice cream.
You might have at least waited until I got the coffee.
Thanks, Delilah. I'll pour it.
- You don't give Kay a chance. - Now listen, Pops.
I'm 20, and Buckley's 26, and we're grown people.
And as far as your supporting Buckley, I'll tell you this right now.
He's the kind that wouldn't let anyone support him.
He'd rather die first.
That's the kind of a person he is.
He's a wonderful person.
He's the kind of a person that's absolutely...
I mean, absolutely independent.
Buckley wouldn't come to you for help,
not even if we were starving in the gutter.
And his name is Dunstan.
That's what it is. Buckley Dunstan.
And he's a wonderful businessman.
I mean, a really wonderful businessman.
- And he has a wonderful job. - Doing what?
I don't know, Pops. He makes something.
Does it really matter what it is?
He's the kind of a person that can do anything, anything at all.
He's... He's...
Absolutely terribly wonderful. (SOBS)
Stanley, you've hurt her.
You know, while she was talking, all I could think of was a little girl
in brown pigtails and dirty overalls,
flying at the boys when they pushed her too far.
Seems like such an incredibly short time ago.
Go speak to her. I'm afraid she's crying.
Kay.
(CRYING) And as for his parents, I'll tell you this right now, Pops.
They're just as good as you and Moms.
They're fine people, and they live in Westbridge.
I guess you'll agree that Westbridge is just as good a place as Fairview Manor.
Oh, I don't see what that has to do with it anyway.
Okay, kitten. I love him already.
(GASPS)
What'd you say his last name was?
Oh, Pops!
Stanley! Come away from that window.
I want to get a peek at this Superman.
(MOUTHS)
How nice. Come in.
- Stanley. - Good evening, Mrs. Banks.
Kay will be down in a minute. She went up to get her things.
Won't you come in and sit down?
- Well, I... - Stanley?
Stanley.
Darling, you remember Mr... Somehow I can't call you Mr. anything.
You won't mind if I call you Buckley, will you?
Please do.
Good evening, sir.
- How are you? - Fine.
- And you? - Fine.
Kay's just been telling us some very exciting news.
I hope you don't mind.
No, indeed. We're delighted. Aren't we, Stanley?
It's wonderful, so exciting, having a romance right under our...
That is, well, you might say, right in our midst, isn't it, Stanley?
- Stanley. - Hmm? Oh, yes.
I'm afraid it was a little sudden, but I couldn't...
- Hello there. - Hello.
- Was I too early? - Oh, no.
Better put on your heavy coat, there's no warmth in that thing.
Pops, I'd die in that heavy coat. I'd simply smother to death.
- Just the same, I'd wear it. - Oh, Pops, don't fuss.
- I'll be perfectly all right. - I think you'd better take it.
- You do? - Yes.
Okay.
STANLEY: Right then I realized that my day was over.
She'll always love us, of course, but not in the old way.
From here on her love will be doled out
like a farmer's wife tossing scraps to a family rooster.
- Good night, Moms. - Good night, dear.
Good night, Pops. Oh, don't wait up. We'll probably be late.
- Good night. - Good night.
I don't like him.
Oh, darling, I know he isn't good enough for Kay.
But then no one is or ever will be.
At least he's head and shoulders above all her other beaus.
That's certainly a great recommendation.
Now, Stanley, she's old enough to know her own mind.
Old enough? That child?
You didn't mind that I was only 18 when I married you.
- Oh, that's different. - That's different. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, she'll make a beautiful bride.
She has just the coloring and figure.
I know exactly the dress she should wear. It was in last month's Vogue.
STANLEY: I couldn't believe it. Ellie was as happy as a lark.
She wasn't worrying about this Buckley. Her mind was on the wedding.
Some of them can make you look simply ghastly.
But this was perfect. I'll find it for you.
It had just a touch of eggshell pink.
(CLOCK CHIMING)
What's the matter, darling? Can't you sleep?
- No. - You want some hot milk?
- No. - Well, then, good night.
- You're wonderful. - Thank you, darling.
If Kay was out at some little dance somewhere,
you wouldn't close your eyes until you heard her come in.
Now, when it's a question of whether she's gonna eat for the rest of her life,
- you go to sleep like a baby. - Eat? You want something to eat?
I am talking about Kay, Ellie. Kay.
She sits there tonight and says, "I'm going to marry Buckley. Isn't he cute?"
And we all dance and make faces. What do we know about him?
Darling, if you're gonna sit up, you better put on your robe.
We don't know a thing about him. Not a darn thing.
Not where he comes from, what he makes, or what he makes making it.
Only thing we know about him is his name, and you weren't too sure about that.
Yet he walks in, and we hand him Kay.
Darling, you only have to look at him to know that he's nice
and that he comes from a nice family.
He calls you "sir" and holds my chair for me.
That reminds me, I must call his family tomorrow morning,
tell them how happy we are.
Is that all you need? Is that all you need?
That he holds your chair for you and that he says "sir" to me?
Is that all you want? Well, it isn't all I want!
I want to know whether he's going to make her happy.
Whether he's going to make a home for her, can he support her?
You heard his ideas on marriage, didn't you?
He thinks the family should support them.
And you know which family he means, don't you, honey?
He means us.
Sure, sure, he figures on moving in with us. (SCOFFS)
Then when the food gets a little bad, he'll dump the kids on us and skip.
Probably done it before. Probably got a wife somewhere else.
Read about those things all the time.
Fellas have wives in three or four places. Families.
How do we know? Maybe he's got a criminal record.
Fella might be a counterfeiter or a confidence man.
Those are the ones, those smooth-talking ones
that have the manners.
Manners are their stock-in-trade. Yeah.
Those soft-spoken fellas who look you right in the eye
and would put a bullet in the back of her neck and never turn a hair.
You mark my words, this is going to end in tragedy.
But, Stanley, I...
STANLEY: I got it off my chest.
Funny, the minute you get someone else worrying, you stop worrying yourself.
(SNORING)
- (HUMMING) - (KNOCK ON DOOR)
Come in.
Well, you're an early bird.
How you could sleep last night I don't know.
I couldn't close my eyes. I was so upset about Kay.
Kay? What's Kay done now?
Oh, I kept thinking about what you said.
Suppose he is a good-for-nothing. Suppose he doesn't mean to make a home...
Oh, now, stop worrying, Ellie.
Stanley, you've got to have a talk with him before this thing goes any farther.
You've got to come right out and ask him about what he has and everything.
Oh, darling, I can't do that.
I can't walk up and say, "How's your bank balance, kid?"
- Why not? You're her father. - I know, but even a father...
Stanley, I believe you're afraid of him.
- Well, that's a fine remark, I must say. - Stanley, Kay's up.
You tell her you want to see this boy and see him right away.
- Finished? - Mmm.
- Hi, Pops. - Hi.
- How are you? - Fine.
Uh, Kay?
Uh... About Buckley.
What about him?
Oh, I think he's great. Fine. Nice clean-cut chap.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
I thought, you know, we might have a little talk.
I thought I'd talk to him about what he's earning, you know.
You're kidding. I didn't believe they really did that.
- Thought it was just a gag. - Well, you know, after all,
when a man's only daughter is gonna be married...
Okay.
If you want to go through all that old-fashioned rigmarole,
it's okay with me.
- When do you want to see him? - Well, what about tonight?
- We have a date at 9:00. - Why don't you ask him to dinner?
Then we can talk before dinner. About 6:30?
Okay. I'll deliver him.
Kay, you know, tell him we're just gonna have a little chat.
Don't make it sound too formidable. I don't want to frighten the boy to death.
Oh, don't worry about Buckley.
He's big enough to take it.
Hi.
Oh.
(CHUCKLES)
- Good evening. - Good evening, Mrs. Banks.
I hope you'll forgive us.
It's Delilah's night out, and Kay and I are cooking dinner.
We might even put you to work. I have an apron...
Oh, not now, Mother. Let him get his talk with Pops over first.
- Talk? You're gonna have a talk? - Yes, a talk.
- Oh. - Where's Pops?
- ELLIE: He's in the living room, I think. - KAY: Come on.
- Here he is, Pops. - Oh, hello.
- Good evening, sir. - Make it snappy.
Dinner is in half an hour.
- Sit down, sit down. - Thanks.
- I'll take that. - Thanks, but I'll need the papers.
- Okay. - Kay said you wanted to talk to me.
Yeah. Would you like to have a little drink first?
No, sir.
- Smoke, then? - I have some, thanks.
- Will you? - No, thanks. I'll smoke a pipe.
Wonderful thing, a pipe. You smoke a pipe?
No, sir.
I like a pipe, especially after a hard day.
All the rush and fuss. It sort of changes your pace.
- Rests you. - Yes, sir.
- Are you comfortable there? - Yes, sir.
I brought some papers that I wanted you to...
Oh, I suppose you think it's kind of silly, this financial talk,
but I want to tell you that I wish my father-in-law had sat down with me
before Ellie and I got married.
- I think it sort of clears the air. - You're right, sir.
You sure you wouldn't like a little drink?
- Yes, sir. - You would?
- I mean, yes, sir, I'm sure I won't. - Oh.
- Where were we? - Oh...
We were talking about your father-in-law.
Oh, yes. Well, someday...
I think that I probably understand,
you know, the problems of young couples, what they're up against, of course.
Matter of fact, the parents are up against it too,
what with high prices and high taxes and everything.
The long and short of it is, I think that probably you're entitled
to know what you can expect from me just as I'm entitled to know
what I can expect from you. Sort of get to know about each other.
- Yes, sir. - Yes.
So, my proposal is this.
I thought I'd tell you a little about my set-up,
and then we could go into your financial picture.
Yes, sir.
Well, in the first place, Buckley,
you look around at this house and everything,
and you probably think, "Well, he's pretty well-off."
But let me tell you, my boy, that doesn't mean a thing.
The day I married Ellie, my position with the law firm
of Bartham, Henderson and Peck was as nebulous...
STANLEY: In half an hour, I told him more about my affairs
than I had told Ellie in a lifetime.
Well, you take all of those things, the insurance, the mortgages,
the kids' schooling, straightening Tommy's teeth,
they all sound tough, but as I look back upon it
I think it was good to assume some responsibility.
- Gives you something to work for. - Yes, sir.
Now, if you'd like to look at some of these papers that I brought...
Come on, you two. Soup's on the table.
We'll have to go into that another time. We mustn't keep Kay waiting any longer.
- Did you have a nice talk? - Wonderful. Wonderful.
I feel much better about everything. Don't we, son?
- Yes, sir. - Run along now, son.
Don't keep Kay waiting.
He's a smart boy.
Got a good head on his shoulders. Fine business sense.
I should say he has. When Kay told me he'd saved $5,000,
and being the head of his own company at his age.
You see how silly we were to worry? Come on.
This is the street.
Too bad Kay couldn't have picked her in-laws from somebody we knew
instead of somebody we never laid eyes on.
362, 364.
- Bet they won't even have a drink. - What makes you think they won't?
Mmm, just that kind of people, I'll bet.
What if they don't? You're not an alcoholic, are you?
I don't know why you get yourself in such a lather
at the thought of meeting the Dunstans, anyway.
I'm not in a lather. Who's in a lather?
- Ought to be around here someplace. - Bet it's a shack.
Here it is. 394.
There's your shack.
I have a feeling they're behind those curtains watching us.
- Good afternoon. - Good...
May I have your coat?
Thank you.
- Hello. - Hi.
- Good to see you. - How do you do, Mrs. Banks?
Well, well, look at this.
- There's the wedding, sure has gotten us. - (ALL LAUGH)
I can't tell you how crazy we are about your Kay.
We feel just the same way about Buckley.
Yes, he's a wonderful boy.
Well, I'll tell you one thing, he's a lucky boy to get a girl like Kay.
- Would you like to wash your hands? - I washed them before I came.
- Shall we go in? - Yes, will you...
STANLEY: We did more bare-faced lying in those few minutes
than we had done in our entire lives.
I sent Kay and Buckley out to dinner.
I thought we could get better acquainted if it were just the four of us.
It's much cozier this way.
I don't know how you feel about it,
but would you like a little snifter before dinner?
- I beg your pardon? - I have some Madeira here.
Put it down 25 years ago. Been saving it for a special occasion.
I must say, I don't know of a more special occasion than this.
- Here we are. - Thank you.
I think we should drink to the bride and groom.
Hear! Hear!
Not too sweet, yet not too dry.
I've been trying to decide
whether Buckley looks like you, Mrs. Dunstan, or Mr. Dunstan.
Oh, do please call us Doris and Herbert, not Mr. and Mrs. Dunstan.
- Stanley and Ellie. - (CHUCKLES)
- Play golf, Herbert? - Well, I play at it, Stanley.
Well...
- I love your house, Doris. - Oh, thank you, Ellie.
I'm crazy to see yours. Buckley's always talking about it.
- A little more, Stan? - Just to help you out, Herb.
There we are. Now that we're all friends, I'll tell you something.
- I was scared stiff about this meeting. - Herbert.
Big argument this morning.
Should we or should we not offer you a drink?
I was all for it, to break the ice, but Doris was against it.
Afraid you wouldn't approve. Stickly situation, you know.
We didn't want to start off on the wrong foot.
(LAUGHS)
Now I'll tell you something funny.
Ellie here must have changed her clothes three times.
- Stanley. - Well, you did, didn't you?
I wasn't so scared I had to stop and get a martini.
- Martini? Is that your drink? - Well, I...
Then why are we wasting time with this?
Come on!
Now, then.
Well, well, well! Look at that. Look at that, Ellie. (CHUCKLES)
Well, well, what do you know.
- Can I help you, Herb? - Well, thanks, Stan.
The minute I laid eyes on your boy, I liked him.
And now that I've met his mother and father, I like him even more.
I'm sure that the Dunstan-Banks family are gonna be as one from now on.
(ALL LAUGH)
And now I want to hear all about our new daughter.
- There's nothing to tell, really. - Oh, nonsense!
Would you like to hear about the time Kay was a baby
and Ellie left her out in front of the grocery store in the carriage,
went home and forgot all about her?
- It's the truth, though. - There's a drop left, Stan. How about it?
Kay was about nine months old.
I know every father thinks his daughter is wonderful,
but I want to tell you, Kay was really something.
She was five years old when I gave her her first swimming lesson.
She was absolutely wonderful. Not frightened a bit.
You know how Ellie is about the water. Kay takes after me.
After all, a daughter takes after the father and the father takes... Vice versa.
- Isn't that so, Edith? - Doris.
- Huh? - Doris, dear.
- Doris, yes. Oh, Doris! - (ALL LAUGH)
Oh, imagine. I said Edith. Where did I...
Well, anyway, she just took like a duck to water.
Like a... When she was about six,
I started taking her out to the raft with the other kids and throwing her in.
Yeah.
She'd just plop in. Diving in, she calls it.
(LAUGHTER)
(SLURRING) She was only 15 when the boys started crowding in.
They were all over the house. I used to come home at night
and find a stranger sleeping on the sofa in the living room
and one in the hammock on the porch and one...
And then, all of a sudden, she seemed to lose interest in them.
- And then... - Then she met Buckley.
- Now you must tell us all about Buckley. - Yeah, tell us all about Balky.
Well, Buckley was always a good boy.
A thoughtful, sweet boy.
Even when he was only five I remember him saying,
"Mummy..." That's what he used to call me, Mummy.
He said, "Mummy, you won't ever die, will you, Mummy?"
How sweet.
HERBERT: He was a good boy but he wasn't any angel.
He could hold his own with any of the kids in the block.
And he loved sports. How that boy loved sports...
STANLEY: It is the duty of the bride's family
to give a party to announce the engagement.
Apparently this is done only after everyone knows it.
- Ready? - It's only 5:00.
You got everything you need? I borrowed every glass ever made.
Oh, everything's fine, everything's fine, everything's fine.
In fact, I made a lot of martinis.
That's all anybody ever drinks at these things, you know, martinis.
Now, Ellie, after I bring in the drinks,
and everybody's got a drink and something to eat,
then I'm gonna come in ringing the bell. Oh, yes, ringing the bell.
And you call for silence, then I'll make the speech.
What do you think of this? I thought I'd start out,
"Uh, friends, when I was a very young lawyer..."
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
They're starting to come. Excuse me, dear.
Oh, they're coming?
Friends, when I was a young lawyer, I made a speech and the man got 10 years.
Now with today's... Oh! Oh!
Well, I see I found the right place. How are you, Banks?
How about a couple of old-fashioneds to start things off?
- How about a couple of martinis... - No, thanks. That's very kind of you,
but a couple of old-fashioneds would be fine.
I just fixed these up to take out there.
Well, well...
- Tom Collins, please. - Bourbon and soda.
Wouldn't you like a martini? Martinis are awful nice.
I hope you have better luck than I did.
I spent 5,000 on my daughter's wedding.
Six months later she was on her way to Reno. Thanks.
Two old-fashioneds.
Dixon, old boy, how've you been? Hiya, Stanley.
I see they got you working at last. Two bourbons in plain water.
How about a nice martini?
- Stanley, Doris and Herbert are here. - Doris and Herbert who?
- Hello, hello! - How are you?
- I've got your drinks all ready.
If you don't mind, I think it's a little early for a martini.
- We'll have scotch. - I don't think I've got any scotch.
No scotch? Bourbon? Yes, of course. Sure.
Too early for a martini?
(ALL CHATTERING)
- Hi there, Stan. - Hello, hello. Hi.
The girls want three old-fashioneds.
What do they think I'm doing in here, filling prescriptions?
Where are the drinks for the Dunstans, Mr. Banks?
Right here. There you are, Delilah.
Now, four old-fashioneds.
- When are you going to make your speech? - Soon as I can get in there.
Enjoy your minute in the limelight. It'll be your last. (LAUGHS)
From now on the gals take over.
You think they can't add two and two.
When it comes to weddings, they're giants of industry.
They put it on like a big theatrical production, too.
The bigger the better.
From now on, your only function is to pay the bills.
No, no, this is going to be a very simple wedding.
I'm warning you, keep it with family.
Weddings are either confined to the bosom of the family
or held in Madison Square Garden. Got my drinks ready?
- Yes, right here. - Thank you.
- Here. - Thank you.
- How do you do, sir? - How do you do?
Nice party, isn't it?
I don't know, I haven't been out there yet.
Now what do you want? Couple of dozen frozen daiquiris?
No, I'd like a couple of martinis, sir, if it's not too much trouble.
Did you say martinis?
Here. Here. Have a couple and pass the rest around.
- Why, thank you, sir. - Say, could I have a couple of Cokes?
- Couple of what? - Cokes.
Couple of Cokes.
Here, sir, let me.
Thank you, sir.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING AND LAUGHING)
Five mint juleps, if you please.
Can I help? It'll speed things up.
Oh, no. No. No.
No, I like doing this. It's my hobby.
You were right about that. Tom Collins, please.
I'll have four rum and Cokes.
Another bourbon and soda.
Good night, Ellie.
- Wonderful party. Wonderful. - (BELL RINGING)
Well, you're a big help, I must say. Where have you been?
Where do you think I've been, shooting pool?
Why must you always leave everything on my shoulders?
- Has everybody gone? - Of course. It's almost 8:00.
- I haven't made my speech. - Well it's too late now.
Now, now, Ellie. You can't do that to Stan.
You can't deny this man the right to announce his daughter's engagement.
You don't realize what a delicate condition he's in.
He's about to become a grandfather.
Come on, Stan. Let's hear your speech.
"As I look at all the old faces I used to shake hands with...
"Wait for the laugh." (LAUGHS)
Come on. Let's get one of those martinis.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
STANLEY: We finally got around to discussing the wedding.
Well, then, we're all agreed. It's going to be a small wedding.
Ellie?
Small wedding, huh?
Yes, of course, that's what we all want, a small wedding.
- A small wedding and a small reception. - Mmm.
That's what I want, too.
- Oh, come on, Buckley. We've got... - Kay, you're not leaving now?
I've got a million things to talk to you about.
I never get you two alone. We've got to make plans.
We've got to set the date, we've got to make the arrangements about the church...
The church? The what?
- You're not planning on a church wedding? - Of course.
You weren't married in a church.
We were married in your front parlor in a blue suit.
- That's just it. - Just what?
Look, whose wedding are you talking about, yours or Kay's?
Haven't you got some schoolwork to do?
- Why not May or July? - May's too early.
- Ellie, what do you mean? - I'm going to camp in July.
This isn't a kids' party. It's my wedding and my friends.
(ALL CHATTERING)
No one has to raise a finger. When the time comes, I'll do everything.
I mean everything.
(ALL SHOUTING)
Ellie! Buckley!
Now, look here, young man.
If you insist upon a church wedding, you can count me out.
- I wash my hands of the whole affair! - Stanley!
You two run along. We'll talk about it tomorrow night.
Don't worry about it. It'll be all right.
Stanley, I don't know what's the matter with you.
We're having a simple little talk about the wedding and you fly off the handle.
Now, Ellie, you heard Buckley. You heard Kay, didn't you?
You said yourself it was going to be a small wedding.
I know, darling, and it's going to be a small wedding.
With the things you're talking about?
Bridesmaids and churches and automobiles and flowers and heaven knows what.
But, Stanley, all her friends are given weddings like that.
If her friends want to go out and bankrupt themselves, that's their business,
not mine, but we've always lived very simply, within our means.
Now here, what are we going to do?
Put on a big show, a big flashy show that we can't afford?
Stan,
there's only one time in a girl's life that she can be married in a bridal dress.
Just once, and I don't want Kay to miss it the way I did.
Miss it? Miss it?
Don't you think I wanted a wedding with all the trimmings?
Then why didn't you have it?
Because you didn't want it, so I pretended I didn't either.
And you've been brooding about it all this time?
No, of course not, but I have thought about it.
You go on out and buy yourself a wedding dress
- and I'll marry you all over again. - I'll be satisfied to see Kay in one.
Stanley, I don't know how to explain, but a wedding, a church wedding,
it's what every girl dreams of.
A bridal dress, orange blossoms, the music.
It's something lovely for her to remember all her life,
and something for us to remember, too.
STANLEY: From then on, I was a dead duck.
You should've seen it from the back.
- The look on the poor man's... - Hi, Pops.
Hello, darling. I'm sorry we're so late getting home.
- We had a very busy day. - Pops, just wait until you see these.
Delilah, did the dress come for me today?
There were six or seven packages. I left them upstairs.
Pops, wait till you see this one.
How about I show you these slippers? They were such a bargain.
Yes, darling, look, if you could let the clothes carnival go for a minute.
- Have you got the list yet? - The list?
Yeah, the list. I have to have it to give Miss Bellamy at the office.
She has to get the order in for the invitations and the announcements.
Aren't these pretty?
- The list, darling. Have you got the list? - Yes, I have it right here in my bag.
The bag is here. Here's the bag.
Look, Stanley, isn't that lovely?
That's what the bridesmaids are going to wear.
- Aren't you afraid of the cops? - It should give the idea of spring,
of wood nymphs and glades.
- Like the girl on the White Rock bottle. - Here's the list.
- WOMAN: Kay, Kay! - Two...
- Kay? Kay? Hi. Where is she? - She's upstairs.
- Kay, what did you get today? - Come up, see my new evening dress.
"Two spectator sports suits, one spectator sport..."
This is no list. This is something to do about clothes.
"Two country suits, trousers, suit and shoes to match.
"Two town suits, trousers, shoes to match.
"Two afternoon dresses, shoes, bags to match.
"Evening dress, shoes and bags to match. Jewelry to match.
"One hostess dress, four negligees, hats, furs, six snuggeries,
"raincoat, a dozen slippers..."
- What is this? - Wrong list.
- It's her trousseau. - Her trousseau?
- Is she going to get all that? - Of course, dear.
- But her closets are bulging already. - She can't wear those old things.
Darling, you know what "trousseau" means? It's from the French.
It means a little bundle that the bride carries under her arm to her new home.
How sweet. I've got good news for you. The church is free.
The church is... Well, I'm glad something's free.
I mean it's available on the 10th of June.
You mean we pay for the church?
There were some telephone messages. I left them on your desk.
A man called about doing the flowers for the church and the reception,
and Mrs. Gibbons left the name of her dressmaker,
- and the candid cameraman called... - Candid cameraman?
- Thanks, Delilah. I'll look at them later. - The candid cameraman?
Ben!
How do I look?
ELLIE: If you take your hands out of your pocket,
I could tell. Come down, let me see.
Turn around.
Oh, it fits perfectly. That reminds me.
I've got to get yours out of that trunk in the attic.
- Like it, Pop? - What are you doing?
- Are you getting a trousseau, too? - Didn't we tell you?
- Buckley asked Ben to be his best man. - Oh, he did, huh? $150?
Why didn't he pick on one of his own friends?
I thought it was swell of him. I hardly know the guy.
It's only two syllables from Banks to bankruptcy.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello? The what?
- An orchestra? You got the wrong number. - Wait, Stanley.
Hello, are you the orchestra Mrs. Parkman recommended?
How many of you are there? That sounds very nice.
The 10th of June. I'll be hearing from you then. Goodbye.
Stanley, from now on, don't answer the phone.
- An orchestra? Are you out of your head? - For the reception, darling.
We have to have some music, and it only costs $85.
Oh, only $85? Oh, only $85?
What are people gonna say when I'm in the gutter
because I tried to put on a wedding like a Roman emperor?
STANLEY: While my secretary went over the list of wedding guests,
I went over the bills.
Yeah.
Before I order the invitations, I thought you ought to know
how many people Mrs. Banks is asking.
- A hundred? - 572.
572? There must be some mistake.
Of course, Mrs. Banks doesn't mean to ask them all to the reception,
only 280 of them.
The rest just get asked to the church.
Only 280 come to the house?
The house won't hold 280 people.
I was talking to our accountant. He's married off four daughters.
He breaks each of his wedding guests down into units,
reception units and church units.
Each reception unit includes the cost of champagne, caterers,
- tips, flowers, extra insurance... - Insurance?
Oh, breakage and fire, cigarette burns, that sort of thing.
Broken down that way, he said the cost of each reception unit comes to $3.75.
- A couple? - A head.
$3.75 a head?
Thank you, Miss Bellamy, and good night.
$3.75 a head.
I want to tell you one thing, there are going to be 150 people
invited to this house for the reception and not one more.
I don't care how many you invite to the church,
pack them in, build a grandstand if you want to,
but the 151 st person who comes into this house
is going to be thrown out on his neck.
They're not my friends. I wanted a small wedding.
Stanley, there are loads and loads of people you just can't ask to the church.
They'd be insulted.
It's no longer a question of insulting people.
This is a question of survival.
Now come on, let's put an "x" next to the names of the people
we have to absolutely invite to the reception, we throw the rest out.
Come on now, let's get to work.
I can't be any help.
I've already cut my list absolutely to the bone.
Here's someone, the Sandways. We never see them anyway.
As for that woman with the dyed hair, I don't care if I ever see her again.
Harry Sandway just happens to be one of the best friends I have in the world,
besides being one of my very best clients.
Oh, Pops, a client.
Harry Sandway would go to the ends of the earth for me, and I for Harry.
What about cutting down a little bit on this Garden Club of yours?
We could get along without them.
Stanley, we have to ask them. They're running me for president.
Oh, I thought a wedding was supposed to be a joyous occasion.
This is a business convention.
- What's the matter with her? - She's nervous.
All women are nervous.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Yes? Come in.
- Hi, Pops. - Hi.
I'm sorry about the way I acted.
That's all right. It's my fault. I was a little tough.
We're all unstrung by this wedding business.
All this fuss and worry.
I never wanted anything like this. I just wanted a small wedding.
That's what we all wanted, but it kind of got out of hand, didn't it?
All this money. I feel horribly.
- You know, kitten, I had an idea. - What is it?
I don't know if it's any good or not, but I thought...
I was wondering, if I gave you and Buckley about $1,500,
how would you like to elope?
Elope?
Yeah, you know, tomorrow or the next day you run off somewhere...
Pops, eloping, sneaking off and getting married,
I'd feel sort of, well, as if something were wrong.
As if you didn't like Buckley and didn't want me to marry him.
- Oh, kitten, I don't think it would... - To get married by the justice of peace
in some dirty little office with you and Moms not there?
I don't know, Pops, but...
I don't think I'd feel as if I were really getting married.
- Well, it was just an idea. - ELLIE: Stanley.
Forget about... I'm coming, Ellie.
- Pops, if you're worried about the money... - No. Just forget all about it.
Forget I ever mentioned it. Forget it.
Stanley, you've just got to help me.
I'm going crazy trying to cut this thing down.
Take Bob and Betty, for instance.
If we ask them, we have to ask the Dixons.
If we ask the Dixons, we have to have the Warners.
Mother, let's call the whole thing off. Let's not have the wedding.
- Kay, what are you talking about? - Buckley and I could run off.
- We could elope. - Elope?
Look, I told you that I didn't want you to talk about that eloping nonsense anymore.
Now stop it. Stop it. The poor kid.
She's worried, afraid I'm spending too much money.
Kay, you wouldn't do that.
You wouldn't elope. Why, it would break my heart.
- Why, of course she wouldn't. - But Pops, you...
Now I've heard all about this I care to hear. Stop it. Stop it, really.
Look, we're not going to cut these down at all.
Not cut them down at all. We're going to invite all of them.
- Oh, Stanley, can we afford it? - Of course we can afford it!
After all, what is money for if it isn't to give my daughter
the finest wedding that's ever...
What are you trying to do, get me in trouble?
STANLEY: Ellie had dug up one of those little caterers.
He was willing to take the whole reception over and take us over, too.
This has been a very successful cake.
We made that for Brenda Santanya.
You know, the daughter of the Princess Schwazese,
- by her second husband. - Yes, the Princess.
- Delightful person, isn't she? - Yes, charming.
This is another we made for the Stoppenshutts for their nuptials.
- Do you like that, Mrs... - Banks.
Perhaps I better get your name and the date first.
- Will you step over here, please? - (WHISPERS) Ellie, Ellie, Ellie.
Just for the cake.
- Will you sit here, please? - (CLEARS THROAT)
- Now, then... - Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Banks.
24 Maple Drive, Fairview Manor.
- And the wedding is June 10th. - June 10th. Very good.
- Now, about the reception. - We're not having a large one, I'm afraid.
Small and sedate. I understand perfectly.
And we don't want a cake.
- What, you don't want a cake? - No.
- Why? - I think cakes are cheap.
Every Tom, Dick and Harry has one. We don't want one.
I understand perfectly.
It's true that very select weddings no longer have them,
but for the ordinary run of people we have to show them.
Now, um, about the food, let's see.
What about a large salmon at either end of the table?
With salads in great bowls in the center?
Another very dramatic arrangement is cold sturgeon in the middle of the table.
Now, for the ices, we pride ourselves on a very special effect,
with colored lights embedded...
We didn't intend on having that kind of a reception.
What did you have in mind, madam?
Well, we thought we'd have some assorted sandwiches,
different kinds, you know. And some ice cream and little cakes.
Of course you can have just what you wish, madam,
but that's what we usually serve for children's parties.
That's what we want.
This 24 Maple Drive. Is it a club or a country estate?
It's our home.
- What attendance are you anticipating? - About 250.
- Is it a large house? - No, it's a small house.
Oh, then, of course, you'll be planning for a marquee on the terrace.
- This, for instance. - We don't happen to have a terrace.
If they overflow the house, they can tramp around out on the lawn.
I tell you what I'll do.
I'll get one of our field engineers to go over the property.
We always have to do that anyway.
STANLEY: The next Saturday, I finally got around to trying on my old cutaway.
Ellie!
- Ellie! - ELLIE: Yes, dear?
- Ellie, look, look, look! - What is it?
- I'm in it. - Well, well.
Not so bad, huh? A little snug.
Maybe I can... Maybe I could take off a pound or two before the wedding.
Are you standing naturally?
You look as though you might have been strapped up by a surgeon.
I was wondering... Do you think you ought to get a new one?
- I mean, with Ben getting a new one... - Oh, nonsense!
What are you talking about? I've only worn this thing twice.
- Stanley... - Do you realize that most men
couldn't even get into their cutaway after 20 years?
If that button gives way it's going to put out somebody's eye.
You know, sometimes they wear them unbuttoned.
Ah. I kind of like it unbuttoned, don't you?
Like it better that way.
Just wait, just wait.
Wait till I have this thing let out just a little.
You'll be surprised. You wait and see.
Oh, Stanley, I want you to look at these.
Aren't they lovely? They're Kay's presents to the bridesmaids.
You'd never dream they cost only $15, would you?
- $15? - And this is what she's giving Buckley.
She's giving... She's giving that to Buckley?
The bride always gives the groom a present.
Stanley, that reminds me, can you arrange to meet me in town again on Saturday?
We just have to pick out the flat silver if we're going to get it marked in time.
- The what? - Kay's flat silver. The table silver.
Now you know perfectly well we give Kay the flat silver and the linen...
Yes, yes, yes, I know. What does Buckley's family give, just Buckley?
Just Buckley.
- Mom? - Yes, dear?
There's a Mr. Massoula and another guy downstairs to see you.
That's the fellow with the cake.
- Say, come here. - What's wrong?
(CHUCKLES) I just happened to think,
you're going to get married pretty soon, aren't you?
And then it'll be my turn, my turn to present you
to the father of the bride as my one and only contribution. (LAUGHS)
- I feel better, son. - ELLIE: Stanley.
STANLEY: An experienced caterer
can make you ashamed of your house in 15 minutes.
Ellie was on the verge of tears.
These doors, they'll have to be taken off and stored.
You'd be surprised how much circulation you lose on account of doors,
especially doors like that.
All I know is you can't get more than 125 in the house.
Squash them in like a lot of bugs if you did.
We were planning to take some of this furniture upstairs into the attic.
Yes, we were going to take up the small chairs
and the small tables and the standing lamp,
and we were even thinking of taking up the rug.
Taking up the rug, lady, ain't going to give us any more room.
- Have you any suggestions? - Yes, madam, I have.
Even with the marquee out there, you're going to be cramped.
Joe, go out in the back and measure for that marquee.
Right.
You see, madam, circulation is your big problem.
Now, the first thing you've got to do is clear this room of all furniture.
- You mean the settee and the armchairs... - And the piano.
And in the dining room, the same thing, too.
What do you think I have upstairs, a cold storage warehouse?
I have an attic that's full now.
I suggest you do what our other clients do.
Hire a moving van to take the things out before the reception
and bring them back when it's over. Now, the marquee.
Um, we'll attach the marquee to this French door.
It's stuck. It's stuck.
I'll say it is.
Yes, I've been meaning to get it fixed.
Doesn't matter. They've got to come off anyway.
It's really quite simple. All you have to do is push...
Look, you stop! Stop! Just stand still.
STANLEY: I decided after all I might as well get a new cutaway.
Every mail brought a new terror.
- The Cramptons are coming. - Uh-huh.
The Lewises, the Quincy Browns and the Gaylords.
Apparently Kay picked a day for her wedding
when nobody within 400 miles has got anything to do.
- Oh, how nice. - Somebody refuse?
No, the Whiteheads were asked to another wedding
and gave it up to come to ours. Isn't that sweet?
How nice... The Whiteheads?
They live in Pittsburgh.
What crust, coming all the way from Pittsburgh.
KAY: Moms! Pops! Look, I got a present!
A wedding present! Look, a tray.
A lovely hand-painted tray. Delilah!
Delilah, come and see. Look, I've got a present.
STANLEY: We were not accustomed to such bounty.
The idea anyone should actually go out and purchase a gift with hard money
filled us with tender gratitude.
For a few days, it looked as if this might be the last as well as the first,
but then they began to come in.
A thin trickle at first, then more and more.
Given enough ointment, there's always a fly.
Given enough presents, there's bound to be a stinker.
- Who sent that? - "With love from Aunt Hattie."
- Aunt Hattie. - Kay was expecting a nice, fat check.
(LAUGHS) When I think of all the guff I've taken from that old...
- What are we going to do with it? - Would you really like me to tell you?
You could always drop it.
Oh, Kay! Kay, come take a look at what Aunt Hattie sent you.
- Yeah. - You can send it back.
Darling, no one would take that back once they got rid of it.
You can send them all back. The wedding's off.
Kay, what are you saying?
Just that. I'm not going to marry Buckley.
I found out something about him that's unforgivable.
- What could have happened? - I don't know.
Ellie, let me go to her.
- (KNOCKS ON DOOR) - STANLEY: Kitten?
Please, Pops, it's no use talking.
I'm not going to talk, honey.
I just wanted to tell you everything's all right.
Whatever you choose to do, it's okay with us, you know.
Thank you, Pops.
(SNIFFLES)
You know,
you always used to talk about taking a little trip to Europe.
Why don't I fix that up tomorrow?
You could take one of your friends with you.
Oh, Pops, I couldn't.
Not after all you've been through.
All this horrible expense and everything.
Oh, heavens, that doesn't matter.
Nothing matters, except your happiness.
We can arrange everything.
We'll make some excuse, say that you're ill or something.
We'll send back the presents, notify the people...
(CRYING)
Aw, don't.
(SOBBING)
Oh, he should have told me before. He shouldn't have kept it from me.
He had this thing come out of the blue.
There, there, there. Don't cry, kitten.
Nova Scotia for our honeymoon.
A camp in Nova Scotia,
so he can fish for some horrible salmon or something.
He knew I bought millions of evening clothes and things.
That didn't matter to him. Oh, no.
He loves to go fishing, so he decides we're going fishing.
(SNIFFLES)
Well, after all...
What do you mean?
Well, I mean, I thought it was something even worse than that,
maybe like another girl or something.
A girl wouldn't be so bad.
At least you can get your teeth in a girl.
But this, this is our whole life. It's our whole future.
If he's just this selfish now, so mean when it's a question of our honeymoon,
what's he gonna be like after we're married?
- Had you talked it over? - Of course we had.
I told him I wanted to go someplace romantic,
but he said there was nothing as romantic as a fishing shack in Nova Scotia.
We had a horrible fight.
I said terrible things to him.
And he called me a spoiled brat.
I made him stop the car, and I jumped out and left him right there.
(CONTINUES CRYING)
Buckley's here.
The poor boy's stricken. He looks terrible.
- Will you see him? - No. (SOBBING)
I never saw anyone who was suffering so.
He'll get over it.
- Good evening, sir. - Won't see you, Buckley.
- If I could speak to her... - It's no use, son.
Will you tell her that I'm sorry, that she's right about the whole thing?
I was selfish and pigheaded. I didn't realize. I should have asked her.
I'll go anywhere, I'll do anything. Just tell her that I'm sorry.
I'd give anything to take back what I said. Will you tell her?
Yes, I'll tell her. I'll tell her. Yes. Go on home, now. Pull yourself together.
- What'd you do to your hand? - Nothing! (GROANS)
Kay slammed the car door on it.
- KAY: Buckley! - Let's get some...
- Buckley! Darling! Oh, darling! - Darling!
- Oh, darling, I'm sorry. - No, it was my fault.
- No, it wasn't. - Forgive me. No, it was mine.
It wasn't your fault, it was mine.
I was selfish and pigheaded. I was stupid.
- I did act like a spoiled brat. - I'll go anywhere you want to go.
Darling, does it hurt? I'm sorry.
It doesn't matter, just as long as we're together.
Anywhere you want to go.
I'm sorry, darling. It was all my fault.
I'll never do that again, I promise you I won't.
It's all right.
STANLEY: By the time we got to the wedding rehearsal,
everyone but me seemed to have lost interest.
And to make it even worse, it was raining cats and dogs.
Now, you have to take the bride's party.
You're the only one who knows the Banks family and where to put them.
Now, the usher for the groom is Edward Owen. Edward Owen.
He couldn't come tonight, Mr. Banks, but I'll see him tomorrow.
- Oh, he couldn't come tonight, huh? - No, sir.
Great.
Now, boys and girls, listen.
Now I'm sure that you want this to come off perfect in every detail...
- (SNEEZES) - God bless you. Just as I do.
So, what we're going to do is just stick here tonight
until we get it right, even if it takes all night.
(ALL COMPLAINING)
Kay, it's about time.
- I'm sorry. - Where's Buckley?
I just got through talking to him on the phone.
He said he'd try to be here as soon as he could.
- He'd try to be here? - What do you say we start rehearsing?
- Good evening. - The bridegroom isn't here.
Half of the wedding party isn't here.
Half of the wedding party never is here. It's quite all right.
We can't very well go on without the minister.
It doesn't matter. I take the rehearsal.
Everything will be all right. Just don't worry.
Now come on, boys and girls, take your places.
Shouldn't you be up front? Why don't you go?
Come on, let's get going.
Pops, the bride never rehearses. It's bad luck.
Ben, there's no reason why you shouldn't rehearse.
Come on, get up front.
- Who's this? - He belongs up at the altar here.
Yes, of course. Up at the altar.
Get back there. Two girls in front.
You go over here, and you there. There, that's right.
Now then, now we want a bride. You'll do for the bride.
You come over here, take Mr. Banks' arm like that.
- We won't need that. - It'll be fine tomorrow, I'm sure.
Go right back, please, Mr. Banks. There we are.
- Excuse me. Sorry. - There, that's fine.
All right, then. Now then, as for the simple step.
The simple step you have to do is perfectly easy.
You'll all get the hang of it. Just watch me.
Girls, watch me very carefully.
Step, stop, and step, stop.
Step, stop, and... See, that's all it is.
That's all there is to it. This is perfectly easy, isn't it?
Now then, boys, when I give you the word "go",
start off with the right foot. All right, Fritz. Fritz!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Now then, right... Don't hesitate.
Just an ordinary walk, just a dignified walk.
Come on, get a move on. Little faster. That's right. Come on, come on.
Another boy with you there. Come on, girls.
When I tell you to go. Listen to the music.
Now... Wait, wait. Right foot.
(IMITATES MUSIC)
Are you by yourself? Come on, here.
Come on, get a move on. Go.
- It's all going too fast. - Now the bride and the father.
Now, the right foot, Mr. Banks. The right foot. Here we go.
(SNEEZES)
- Never mind that. Right foot. - All right, all right.
The right foot first, please.
It's quite simple, it is really simple, Mr. Banks.
(IMITATES MUSIC)
Good heavens! What's going on up there? What are you doing here?
- I'm the best man. - The best man has got to be by the altar.
Now, then, boys and girls, each side of the aisle.
No, boys over there. Bridesmaids, that's right.
Come on, over here. The boys on the right.
There you are. That's right.
You really must practice at home, Mr. Banks.
Come on, there we are. That's right. You stay there.
Now, then. So, so, so-so-so, so-so.
Then after "Who giveth?" "I do." Then you go back and join Mrs. Banks.
No, you back gracefully. Doesn't matter which foot first.
Then you slide in. That's right. When the ceremony's over,
the bridegroom takes the bride down the aisle.
- I'll be the bridegroom. - Where are you going?
Then you take the lady of honor... She's gone now.
She'll be here tomorrow.
Each bridesmaid takes an usher, and away you go.
That's right. That's right.
You got it? Yes, you've got it. Splendid.
Yes, you be here tomorrow.
Now, let's get down to brass tacks and have a real good rehearsal.
- But I thought it was fine. - Fine? That was a rat race.
Well, you should've...
(ALL CHATTERING)
All through, I see. That means that I'm just in time, eh?
I'm so sorry, I had a meeting. Tringle here is an old hand.
- They all know their stuff, Tringle? - Oh, good, good.
I'm sure everything will go smoothly and be a beautiful wedding.
Now, if you'll forgive me, I have a meeting.
Just a moment, Reverend Galsworthy. We haven't had a rehearsal.
The groom isn't here.
Oh, the groom isn't very important, is he, my dear?
(SNEEZES)
You're not nervous, are you, my dear? She's not nervous.
Have your young man call me in the morning.
I'll put him through his paces. Now, I must run.
I hate to, but I must.
Don't worry, because everything will go beautifully tomorrow.
I know. I've done it before.
Good luck, my dear. Such a beautiful bride.
I'm sure you'll be very happy. Goodbye.
Chaos.
Don't worry, darling. You'll have Kay with you.
She's been a bridesmaid so many times she could walk up the aisle blindfolded.
Absolute complete chaos.
STANLEY: When I finally got to sleep that night, I dreamed of the wedding.
I was late.
Somehow I couldn't seem to move my feet.
(DISCORDANT ORGAN PLAYING)
Hi, Pops.
What are you doing here?
I couldn't sleep. What are you doing?
I was hungry.
Pops, I know I'm a fool,
but if I tell you something, you won't think I'm silly, will you?
Of course not, kitten. What's bothering you?
I'm scared, Pops. Scared to death.
Why, what are you scared of? There's nothing to be scared of.
- Marriage is the most normal thing... - Oh, I know, Pops.
I'm not scared of marriage. It's much sillier than that.
See, it's this way.
You know how I wanted a simple wedding, out in the country somewhere.
Well, that's out. We don't live in the country, period.
But this thing's gotten bigger and bigger and bigger.
I know it's ungrateful of me.
Sometimes it scares the living daylights out of me.
You mean, walking down the aisle, huh?
Yeah. Every time I think about it, I break into a cold sweat.
Suppose my knees got shaking just as I started.
Suppose they shook till finally they let me down entirely,
you had to drag me down the aisle like a sack of meal.
We could always take a short snort just before the show begins.
Oh, Pops. (CHUCKLES)
Now, look, kitten. Get this into your head.
There is nothing to worry about. Not a thing.
Whenever you've been bothered, I've always been around, haven't I?
I'll be around when that Wedding March starts, too.
All you have to do is take my arm and lean against me and relax.
I'll do the rest.
Oh, you are wonderful.
Nothing ever fazes you, does it?
STANLEY: The day of the wedding dawned at last.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) - (TELEPHONE RINGS)
Haven't you got this stuff out of here yet?
I'm sorry. I didn't know you were in a hurry. We were just relaxing.
The quicker you get it out the better off we'll all be.
No flowers! Take them out of here!
Hold it, hold it! Hello?
Hello, Aunt Hattie!
Well, Aunt Hattie. Yes, this is the day, Aunt Hattie.
Sorry you couldn't make it. What? Oh, you're here.
- Well, yeah. Just a minute. - From Aunt Hattie.
Where are you, Aunt Hattie? Where? At the depot?
Oh, Ben! Ben, Ben. Thank you.
Aunt Hattie's down at the depot. Take the car and go down and get her.
Oh, I can't, Pop. I gotta collect Buckley's things and bring them here.
I thought it was understood that your domestic staff is to stay out of the kitchen.
My domestic staff is getting me a bicarbonate of soda.
Make your choice.
Wedding banquet or bicarbonate of soda, you can't have both.
Aunt Hattie. Hello? Hello, Aunt Hattie.
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
- If you'll just wait outside the station... - Mr. Banks, where's Kay?
- I've got to see her right away. - Upstairs, upstairs.
Somebody will pick you up. Yes. Yes.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Tommy! Aunt Hattie is down at the station.
Forget it, Pop. I can't. I gotta borrow a white shirt.
Hello, Joe.
- What are you trying to do, trip me up? - I'm sorry, sorry.
Joe? Joe? Take the pipe lane, turn off at Durand.
- Yeah. Follow Durand for two miles... - Why don't you look where you're going?
Do you want this stuff moved out or don't you?
- Yeah, of course, I do. - Then tell this guy to keep his pots...
Ask at the gas station!
I'll tell you what you can do...
- We've been here... - Why don't you wait with your pots?
And let all these ferns and things wilt out there in that sun?
You know how much these things cost?
You're not buying this stuff, Mac, you're just renting it.
How do you like the nerve of this guy? There's your boss! He's my boss, too!
Gangway...
Gangway!
(GLASS SHATTERING)
(MEN ARGUING)
STANLEY: By 3:00, I was dressed.
I took the precaution of wearing a belt and suspenders.
Ellie.
Ellie, do you know what time it is? Quarter past 4:00.
We should be there right now. Hurry up.
Where's this automobile?
Well, I'll be a...
Hello? Hello?
Operator, will you get me Jake's Garage, please?
Well, keep on trying, will you? Please?
We've got a wedding and no way to get to the church. No cars.
- Will you do that? Thanks very much. - ELLIE: Don't worry, darling.
There's one thing we know, they can't start without us.
ELLIE: I knew I'd never be able to remember what Ellie wore that day.
But I also knew I'd never forget the way she looked
with all the beauty of her own wedding day on her.
Ellie.
- Ellie, you look... - Thank you, darling.
You don't have to say another word.
You have no right to look like this. It isn't fair to the bride.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
Hello? Hello? Is this Jake's Garage?
What? Holy smoke, Aunt Hattie, where are you?
They're here, the cars are here. Never mind.
- Kay, Delilah, the cars are here. - Just a minute.
It's Aunt Hattie. She's been at the station all morning,
wants to know how to get to the church.
We'll take the first car. You follow with Kay.
Ellie, Ellie! What am I gonna tell her? This is your relative.
Tell her to jump in a lake.
Aunt Hattie, go outside the station, there's a lake...
There's some taxis out there. Take one, go to the church. I'll pay for it later.
All right, Aunt Hattie. All right.
Kay! Kay, you know what time it is?
- Kay, Kay, Kay, it's 4:20. - KAY: I'm ready. Come in.
STANLEY: She looked like the princess in a fairy tale.
I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd held out her hand for me to kiss.
You're wonderful, kitten. Just wonderful.
Thanks, Pops.
- Well, on to the slaughter. - Yeah. This is it, isn't it?
- All right. Take this, your bouquet. - Thanks, Pops.
Thanks. Thanks. Goodbye.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
- Hello, I'm Duffy, the candid cameraman. - You just store that thing.
Here they are.
Kay! She's beautiful!
(ORGAN PLAYING)
Ushers, come on. All the ushers. Quickly, come.
Remember, right foot forward. Go.
Bridesmaids, come on. Take your place.
Now, Mr. Banks, this is the Wedding March.
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)
Get ready.
Right, stop. Left, stop.
Well, Pops, we're off.
Get ready. Remember, the right foot forward.
Right foot. Right.
Right. Right.
Right.
Hold it, Pops.
STANLEY: Kay overwhelmed me.
She waited for the proper moment with the calmness of a general
watching his forces deploy into battle.
Buckley, on the other hand, had the haggard look
of a man who had just completed a dangerous bombing mission.
Ready?
(MUSIC STOPS)
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered together here in the sight of God
and in the face of this company
to join together this man and this woman
in holy matrimony, which is an honorable estate,
instituted of God, signifying unto us
the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his church.
STANLEY: All I could think of was the part I had to play.
I knew I had a cue coming.
When the Reverend Galsworthy got to the place where he asked,
"Who giveth this woman?" I had to say "I do."
It was my only line in the show and I wanted to get it right.
Then I was supposed to drop back a step, turn,
and join Ellie in the front pew.
I couldn't remember what was immediately in my rear.
I began to explore. I didn't want to trip or fall.
People are so quick to attribute such things to alcohol.
While I was still exploring, it was on me.
Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?
I do.
STANLEY: "Who giveth this woman?"
"This woman?"
But she's not a woman, she's still a child,
and she's leaving us.
What's it going to be like to come home and not find her?
Not to hear her voice calling, "Hi, Pops" as I come in.
I suddenly realized what I was doing. I was giving up Kay.
Something inside me began to hurt.
I, Buckley Dunstan...
- ...take thee, Katherine Banks... - ...take thee, Katherine Banks...
- ...to my wedded wife. - ...to my wedded wife.
- To have and to hold... - To have and to hold...
- ...from this day forward. - ...from this day forward.
- With this ring I thee wed. - With this ring I thee wed.
- In the name of the Father... - In the name of the Father...
- ...and of the Son... - ...and of the Son...
- ...and of the Holy Ghost. Amen. - ...and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.
For as much as Buckley Dunstan and Katherine Banks
have consented together in holy wedlock,
I pronounce that they are man and wife
in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.
God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost
bless and preserve and keep you.
The Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you
and fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace
that ye may so live together in this life
that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting.
Amen.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
STANLEY: Now the race was on,
to get back to the house and the free champagne.
(CHATTERING)
The house was bursting at the seams.
Everywhere I looked there were faces, most of them I'd never seen before.
I wondered if someone had broadcast a general invitation by radio.
The temperature under the marquee
was midway between a Turkish bath and a greenhouse.
(ORCHESTRA PLAYING)
No one was listening to the orchestra. Ellie could have saved that 85 bucks.
(CHATTERING)
The caterer was having his trouble, too.
Something was wrong, very wrong, with his circulation.
Yes. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen,
I must insist that you pass through the door into the parkway. Please.
But there was nothing wrong with the waiters.
The moment a person tilted a glass,
they were waiting at his elbow with a fresh supply.
Never have I seen men more devoted to their work.
I was looking for Kay. I still hadn't kissed the bride.
Well, you know, Miss Cale's daughter moved into the palace...
Where's Kay? I can't find her.
Oh, they're in the garden, having their pictures taken.
Stanley, first will you see about the champagne? I'm worried.
Yeah, the way they're handing it out, you'd think they were working on the piece basis.
- See about it, will you? - All right. All right.
(CHATTERING CONTINUES)
(WHISTLES) How's the champagne holding up?
Okay, okay, mister, don't worry. You'll get yours.
Edith! Edith! Hurry up! Kay's going to throw the bouquet.
Kay! Pardon, miss. Kay!
I want to see this.
(ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
- Where's Pops? I don't see him. - I haven't seen him either.
Pardon me. I'm sorry.
(WOMEN SHOUTING)
(ALL GASP AND SCREAM)
Stanley, where on earth have you been? Kay just threw her bouquet.
Ellie, look, look, please be nice to me. For once in your life be nice to me...
No, you can't go up now. She's changing her clothes.
STANLEY: The reception had turned into a party.
I was skulking around the edges, still waiting for a chance to see Kay.
They're going! They're going! Come and get your confetti.
Get out of my way, Pop!
Get your confetti.
All of you, get your confetti. Get it while it lasts. It's going fast.
(ALL CHEERING AND SCREAMING)
(CHEERING AND SCREAMING CONTINUES)
STANLEY: She was gone. My Kay was gone.
And I'd been too late to say goodbye to her.
When the last guest had gone,
and the last glass of champagne had been drunk, we surveyed the wreckage.
I suppose we better clean up and not leave this mess for Delilah tomorrow.
I'll go up and change my dress. Would you get the vacuum, darling?
Hmm. Oh.
Funny how empty a house can suddenly get, isn't it?
Oh, I'm sorry you missed saying goodbye to her.
It's all right.
I think she's going to be happy with him. That's the important thing, isn't it?
Oh, sure, sure, sure.
Ellie, look.
(PHONE RINGING)
(GROANS)
Hello?
Hello, kitten!
Where are you?
New York. Our train's leaving in a second,
but I just couldn't leave without saying goodbye to you.
I'm coming.
Pops, say goodbye again to Moms, and thank her for all she did.
And, Pops, you've been just wonderful.
I love you.
I love you very much.
Goodbye, kitten.
Catch a lot of fish.
Bye-bye.
All right now?
Nothing's really changed, has it?
You know what they say.
My son's my son until he gets him a wife,
but my daughter's my daughter all of her life.
All of our life.
(GOODNIGHT SWEETHEART PLAYING)